I remember the feeling of awe and wonder when I first held him in my arms. My baby boy. My amazing, miracle, tiny baby. My life – right there in my arms. And for months I couldn’t put him down. Oh, he woke up in the night, suffered from the most frightening colic, seemed so amazingly fragile. But that was just an excuse ! I wanted to hold him to me, keep him warm and safe, smell his baby smell and the softness of his touch.
As he grew he went through chubby cute, to lisping cute, to playing with his willy [he's not alone - the balls update], to undressing little girls (frowned upon), and so on. He turned out to be strong willed, and clever. So he has been in his share of trouble.
And when our marriage broke-down he went a little wild for a time. But he seems to be back on track.
Fifteen. He has a cute little girlfriend. More friends than I can count, actually. Independent. Doing well at school. Studying hard, but trying not to be a geek. He is really. He’s good at science and maths. He thinks he might want to study engineering at University.
And now he thinks he’d like to join the army. Maybe go for an commission as an officer.
I have some sympathy with that. There’s a lot of benefit in learning self discipline, and the sort of teamwork you only learn in the armed forces [Why every man should serve in the army]. Then there’s the adventure, and the feeling of serving your country. In practice, a soldier’s adventure might be anyone elses nightmare [one soldier's account].
My son and I had a conversation last week about this. He spoke about bravery and courage, but with perspective of a child who has never seen or contemplated loss.
I considered taking the same career path myself. Finding a girl and seeing that she wasn’t cut out to be an army wife [army wives] helped me make up my mind. So I pursued a career in civvy street.
Part of me would like him to have that opportunity, of course. But part of me dreads knowing that he could be put in harms way [our sons]. And that too many young people have chosen to serve their countries, and paid the ultimate price [too close to home].
My thoughts are with all of the military personnel and civilians whose lives have been touched by armed conflict around the world. But my worry is for my own son. My baby.
